I have been noticing something lately. I have been noticing just how much people are truly willing to be there for each other. And sadly enough, it hasn't been very often.
Let me first say, my husband is one of those kinds of people that the minute you call him and ask him to do ANYTHING for you, he's there. It used to drive me up the wall because he spent SOOOO much time helping others that he wasn't around the house that often for me. But he was trying to be there for everyone. I have finally learned to let it go. But here's the problem. There's been 2 times he's needed help with something, and the people I excepted to help him with things, are unavailable. These people are Christians we spent time with in worship, people I would have thought would have returned the kindness my husband has shown them. Instead, it has been other Christians that we have gotten close to and people who don't even go to church.
Now don't get me wrong...this does NOT cause me to lose my faith in God or think "What's the point of going to church when my own "people" aren't even offering help.". It reminds me how important it is to really be there for people and stop getting caught up in my own life.
There's a song by Matthew West that has become my favorite song...it is "My own little world". It has really opened my eyes to what we as human beings need to be doing for each other as well as for those in need.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Revelations 3:8-13 Obeying God and persevering.
8. "I know all the things you do, and I have opened a door for you that no one can shut. You have little strength, yet you obeyed my word, and did not deny me.
9. Look! I will force those who belong to Satan--those liars who say they are Jews but are not--to come and bow down at your feet. They will acknowledge that you are the ones I love.
10. "Because you have obeyed my command to persevere, I will protect you from the great time of testing that will come upon the whole world to test those who belong to this world.
11. Look, I am coming quickly. Hold on to what you have, so that no one will take away your crown.
12. All who are victorious will become pillars in the Temple of my God, and they will never have to leave it. And I will write my God's name on them, and they will be citizens in the city of my God--the new Jerusalem that comes down from heaven from my God. And they will have my new name inscribed upone them.
13. Anyone who is willing to hear should listen to the Spirit and understand what the Spirit is saying to the churches.
I had such an amazing day yesterday. God really showed me some wonderful things and it left me in complete awe!!!!
Actually it all started on Saturday night. Our pastor was talking about giving ourselves FULLY to God...and I said a little prayer to God giving myself completely. Then, the next day I got into a "discussion" with my husband about church and his leadership roll. Although he HAS been taking on the leadership roll, he isn't enjoying it. And honestly, I completely understand. It's a VERY heavy responsibility and it scares me to death when I think about if it were ever to be my responsibility. By the time the conversation was over, I was praying a very heavy prayer that he does things the way God wants it done.
At first I was very bummed out about how stressed he is about all this. But then I realized that that "discussion" was a way of seeing how much I had really given myself to God. When I realized that Satan is trying to irritate both me and my husband it honestly made me very happy! Because inspite of all the stupid things I do on a daily basis, God still finds me useful. I don't deserve it, but he IS using me and I LOVE IT!
Please pray for me that I do everything the way God wants it done!
9. Look! I will force those who belong to Satan--those liars who say they are Jews but are not--to come and bow down at your feet. They will acknowledge that you are the ones I love.
10. "Because you have obeyed my command to persevere, I will protect you from the great time of testing that will come upon the whole world to test those who belong to this world.
11. Look, I am coming quickly. Hold on to what you have, so that no one will take away your crown.
12. All who are victorious will become pillars in the Temple of my God, and they will never have to leave it. And I will write my God's name on them, and they will be citizens in the city of my God--the new Jerusalem that comes down from heaven from my God. And they will have my new name inscribed upone them.
13. Anyone who is willing to hear should listen to the Spirit and understand what the Spirit is saying to the churches.
I had such an amazing day yesterday. God really showed me some wonderful things and it left me in complete awe!!!!
Actually it all started on Saturday night. Our pastor was talking about giving ourselves FULLY to God...and I said a little prayer to God giving myself completely. Then, the next day I got into a "discussion" with my husband about church and his leadership roll. Although he HAS been taking on the leadership roll, he isn't enjoying it. And honestly, I completely understand. It's a VERY heavy responsibility and it scares me to death when I think about if it were ever to be my responsibility. By the time the conversation was over, I was praying a very heavy prayer that he does things the way God wants it done.
At first I was very bummed out about how stressed he is about all this. But then I realized that that "discussion" was a way of seeing how much I had really given myself to God. When I realized that Satan is trying to irritate both me and my husband it honestly made me very happy! Because inspite of all the stupid things I do on a daily basis, God still finds me useful. I don't deserve it, but he IS using me and I LOVE IT!
Please pray for me that I do everything the way God wants it done!
Friday, December 10, 2010
Philippians 2:5-11
5. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.
6. Though he was God,
he did not think of equality with God
as something to cling to.
7. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges;
he took the humble position of a slave
and was born as a human being.
When he appeared in human form,
8. he humbled himself in obedience to God
and died a criminal's death on a cross.
9. Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor
and gave him the name above all other names,
10. that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11. and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
6. Though he was God,
he did not think of equality with God
as something to cling to.
7. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges;
he took the humble position of a slave
and was born as a human being.
When he appeared in human form,
8. he humbled himself in obedience to God
and died a criminal's death on a cross.
9. Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor
and gave him the name above all other names,
10. that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11. and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Needing prayer today.
I've been reading lots of blogs about our Christian walk and doing my bible studies each morning (sometimes it's the only thing that can give me a positive attitude. It has been a huge help. One of the things that my studying has brought to my attention is to remove whatever sins and negativity I have from me.
Let me tell you, this has been way beyond tough. I've got 2 things I need to work on right off the top of my head. And they both have to do with forgiveness and letting God deal with things. I've always had this horrible tendency to hold a grudge. I don't mean to and I love the people I get frustrated and stay frustrated with...but the sinful side of me just allows it to keep pecking away at me. I am working on it though.
I'm learning to realize that the things that are "done to me" aren't always meant to be done in the way I receive them. I need to realize and decide in my heart that until proven otherwise, to believe that it was done in an innocent way.
I'm seeing it in my kids as well. There's a daily lesson lately to have them overlook something their siblings have done. Just the other day Haylie was laying on the floor and her hair was spread all over the place. Hunter accidently stepped on it, she whined, and he said "Well get your hair out of the way!". I got onto him and informed him that a simple "I'm sorry." would have worked. Later, Haylie hit him in his knee where he'd gotten an injury back in April and didnt' appologize. He was very upset and was complaining. I told him that she was reacting the way he had reacted before. That if he wanted her to learn to appologize, he needed to learn to appologize to her. This was a teachable moment for all of us.
I realized I need to make sure that I show kindness and forgiveness instead of blaming others for what happens to me. I need to realize that maybe they didn't mean to do any of the things they did. I need to learn to let go. It will be tough, but I know it can be done...especially through prayer and learning God's word and keeping the Holy Spirit with me at all times.
Let me tell you, this has been way beyond tough. I've got 2 things I need to work on right off the top of my head. And they both have to do with forgiveness and letting God deal with things. I've always had this horrible tendency to hold a grudge. I don't mean to and I love the people I get frustrated and stay frustrated with...but the sinful side of me just allows it to keep pecking away at me. I am working on it though.
I'm learning to realize that the things that are "done to me" aren't always meant to be done in the way I receive them. I need to realize and decide in my heart that until proven otherwise, to believe that it was done in an innocent way.
I'm seeing it in my kids as well. There's a daily lesson lately to have them overlook something their siblings have done. Just the other day Haylie was laying on the floor and her hair was spread all over the place. Hunter accidently stepped on it, she whined, and he said "Well get your hair out of the way!". I got onto him and informed him that a simple "I'm sorry." would have worked. Later, Haylie hit him in his knee where he'd gotten an injury back in April and didnt' appologize. He was very upset and was complaining. I told him that she was reacting the way he had reacted before. That if he wanted her to learn to appologize, he needed to learn to appologize to her. This was a teachable moment for all of us.
I realized I need to make sure that I show kindness and forgiveness instead of blaming others for what happens to me. I need to realize that maybe they didn't mean to do any of the things they did. I need to learn to let go. It will be tough, but I know it can be done...especially through prayer and learning God's word and keeping the Holy Spirit with me at all times.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Learning to respect.
I have been learning how to respect my husband...and I have to tell you, I never thought it would be this hard. It's totally worth it, and he deserves every last drop and more , but I struggle to find the best ways to show constant respect to him. I've also noticed that my old sinful nature likes to argue with me about the process sometimes.
The simple act of handing him a plate of dinner after a long, hard day at work is the best way I know how to do it right now. I've been trying to make sure the house is clean, the dishes are done, and the laundry is done and put away (the laundry part hasn't gone quite as well as I would like).
I've been trying to watch everything I say and make sure it's said in a respectful tone, instead of being rude or having a smart mouth about it. When he asks me to run an errand for him, I try very hard not to complain about having to go do it. I used to HATE running errands for him because something always seemed to go wrong....but I'm learning as I go.
One of the biggest ways I think I've learned to respect him lately is learning to let go of the past. I had one remaining piece of the nightmarish part of our marriage and I finally had a "ceremonial" burning of it the other day. It felt so good and so freeing to watch it burn and disappear from our lives. I should have done it a long time ago, but at least it has been done now.
I'm realizing more and more each day just how important he is to me. I'm definitely blessed!
The simple act of handing him a plate of dinner after a long, hard day at work is the best way I know how to do it right now. I've been trying to make sure the house is clean, the dishes are done, and the laundry is done and put away (the laundry part hasn't gone quite as well as I would like).
I've been trying to watch everything I say and make sure it's said in a respectful tone, instead of being rude or having a smart mouth about it. When he asks me to run an errand for him, I try very hard not to complain about having to go do it. I used to HATE running errands for him because something always seemed to go wrong....but I'm learning as I go.
One of the biggest ways I think I've learned to respect him lately is learning to let go of the past. I had one remaining piece of the nightmarish part of our marriage and I finally had a "ceremonial" burning of it the other day. It felt so good and so freeing to watch it burn and disappear from our lives. I should have done it a long time ago, but at least it has been done now.
I'm realizing more and more each day just how important he is to me. I'm definitely blessed!
Friday, November 26, 2010
Sometimes....
First of all, HAPPY BELATED THANKSGIVING!
I'm trying to figure out where to start! This just hasn't been my day!!! I've been praying off and on all day that my attitude would change, but apparantely this is just not my day. Maybe the fact that I get to sleep in tomorrow morning will get me in a better mood. But, until then...here I go.
I've been allowing a silly little family situation eat at me all day. As I type all this, I'm munching away at a cookie Steffan made me earlier this afternoon. My husband and I are preparing for a belated Thanksgiving dinner we're having on Saturday. I've been stressing over the usual food worries (will there be enough, what will everyone be bringing, will the turkey cooperate?) along with things Satan keeps throwing in my face about things that have been said. I know it's Satan coming after me, doing whatever it takes to make me miserable. UNFORTUNATELY, I'm letting him win.
I've been trying to work on my crankiness or (Okay, let's be honest!) all out anger! I've been frustrated with the kids for not understanding that sometimes they just need to back off. I've been frustrated with myself for "barking" at them. I'm angry with myself for not handling things in a mature Christian way.
I'm also very frustrated that I managed to lose a group of verses on anger that my best friend was so kind as to give me because we both want to work on being slow to anger....Ain't it crazy how Satan can ruin things so easily????
I am being reminded that sometimes things just aren't going to go right and I need to keep my heavenly father beside me at ALL TIMES! Without him I am nothing.
I'm trying to figure out where to start! This just hasn't been my day!!! I've been praying off and on all day that my attitude would change, but apparantely this is just not my day. Maybe the fact that I get to sleep in tomorrow morning will get me in a better mood. But, until then...here I go.
I've been allowing a silly little family situation eat at me all day. As I type all this, I'm munching away at a cookie Steffan made me earlier this afternoon. My husband and I are preparing for a belated Thanksgiving dinner we're having on Saturday. I've been stressing over the usual food worries (will there be enough, what will everyone be bringing, will the turkey cooperate?) along with things Satan keeps throwing in my face about things that have been said. I know it's Satan coming after me, doing whatever it takes to make me miserable. UNFORTUNATELY, I'm letting him win.
I've been trying to work on my crankiness or (Okay, let's be honest!) all out anger! I've been frustrated with the kids for not understanding that sometimes they just need to back off. I've been frustrated with myself for "barking" at them. I'm angry with myself for not handling things in a mature Christian way.
I'm also very frustrated that I managed to lose a group of verses on anger that my best friend was so kind as to give me because we both want to work on being slow to anger....Ain't it crazy how Satan can ruin things so easily????
I am being reminded that sometimes things just aren't going to go right and I need to keep my heavenly father beside me at ALL TIMES! Without him I am nothing.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Life is much more beautiful through "Love and Respect".
I have been reading this book called "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, and I have to say it has really opened my eyes to so many things with my marriage! I have been married for almost 18 years now, and we have definitely had our ups and downs. I like to say we've been through everything but a terminal illness! Hopefully we won't have to go through something like that, but if we do, I know we'll be alright as long as we keep God with us.
I have been learning so much about all the things my husband needs and it has been so eye opening and inspiring. I have learned that just because he doesn't always say he loves me DOES NOT mean that he doesn't. I used to ask him all the time if he really loved me...it seemed he didn't because of the way I was "viewing" things. But now I KNOW he loves me. He just doesn't show it the way that t.v.'s husbands or boyfriends show it.
He shows it EVERY SINGLE DAY by going to work and putting up with all kinds of nonsense for me and the kids. Then he goes out and works a second job to prove his love even more. He bought me a minivan about 3 years ago to show his love for me....unfortunately I threw a hissy fit because I didn't want to be in debt anymore. Now I know to let him do things he wants to do to show me love and stop whining about it.
He shows me love everytime he walks past me and doesn't go out of his way to avoid me. He loves me by telling the kids to show me respect. He shows me by sitting down and eating whatever I cook, whether he likes it or not. He shows me by not trying to force his thoughts and opinions on me.
Right now he's showing me by respecting my feelings over some issues that have arisen with others. He's showing me also by not forcing me to get rid of our little terrier named "Angel" that doesn't quite act like an angel.
I'm finally learning (and it will be a LONG TIME before I totally get it, if I ever fully do) how to work on not nagging at him or belittling him. I'm learning how to have an uplifting spirit throughout the day for him and trying to make the house a sanctuary for him after a long days work.
Right now I'm working on not getting so frustrated with the kids when they get rowdy in the house...after all, it is cold outside these days, so it's not like they can always just run out and play.
I've got a long way to go on learning to be the kind of wife God wants me to be, but I am working on it! And I thank God for putting special people in my life who have helped me "see the light". You all know who you are!
I have been learning so much about all the things my husband needs and it has been so eye opening and inspiring. I have learned that just because he doesn't always say he loves me DOES NOT mean that he doesn't. I used to ask him all the time if he really loved me...it seemed he didn't because of the way I was "viewing" things. But now I KNOW he loves me. He just doesn't show it the way that t.v.'s husbands or boyfriends show it.
He shows it EVERY SINGLE DAY by going to work and putting up with all kinds of nonsense for me and the kids. Then he goes out and works a second job to prove his love even more. He bought me a minivan about 3 years ago to show his love for me....unfortunately I threw a hissy fit because I didn't want to be in debt anymore. Now I know to let him do things he wants to do to show me love and stop whining about it.
He shows me love everytime he walks past me and doesn't go out of his way to avoid me. He loves me by telling the kids to show me respect. He shows me by sitting down and eating whatever I cook, whether he likes it or not. He shows me by not trying to force his thoughts and opinions on me.
Right now he's showing me by respecting my feelings over some issues that have arisen with others. He's showing me also by not forcing me to get rid of our little terrier named "Angel" that doesn't quite act like an angel.
I'm finally learning (and it will be a LONG TIME before I totally get it, if I ever fully do) how to work on not nagging at him or belittling him. I'm learning how to have an uplifting spirit throughout the day for him and trying to make the house a sanctuary for him after a long days work.
Right now I'm working on not getting so frustrated with the kids when they get rowdy in the house...after all, it is cold outside these days, so it's not like they can always just run out and play.
I've got a long way to go on learning to be the kind of wife God wants me to be, but I am working on it! And I thank God for putting special people in my life who have helped me "see the light". You all know who you are!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
1 Corinthians 13:1-3
If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth but didn't love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything about everything, but didn't love others, what good would I be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would be of no value whatsoever. NLT.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Amazing things are happening
This last week has just been beyond awesome (except for my family being sick). Although I hate it when Haylie is sick, we got to spend 2 incredible days together coloring and cleaning and cuddling. She loves to help me clean house, so I'm enjoying it while I can.
Mark was home Wednesday night, so I got to enjoy my time with him. Unfortunately, he's trying to get over a cold that is kicking his butt. So far Hunter has only had a sore throat for one day and Steffan has been fine! Thank God!
I've been having wonderful conversations with God, and he's been revealing wonderful things to me. It's been wildly amazing. He also showed that he wanted one of my close friends and me to switch some books we're reading from one about his will to another about love and respect in marriages. I'm loving this! And I had a spirit filled text conversation about life. I love how God is working things out!!!!!!!!!!
Mark was home Wednesday night, so I got to enjoy my time with him. Unfortunately, he's trying to get over a cold that is kicking his butt. So far Hunter has only had a sore throat for one day and Steffan has been fine! Thank God!
I've been having wonderful conversations with God, and he's been revealing wonderful things to me. It's been wildly amazing. He also showed that he wanted one of my close friends and me to switch some books we're reading from one about his will to another about love and respect in marriages. I'm loving this! And I had a spirit filled text conversation about life. I love how God is working things out!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, November 5, 2010
Hurting heart.
These last few days have been a little rough on me. Someone broke their word to me and it doesn't seem to bother that person at all. My husband has been doing everything he can to help me deal with everything, but the pain just isn't going away right now. I keep thinking to myself "There's a reason I'm going through this. God is teaching me a lesson here. This will be for future use.". God has already taught me quite a few lessons from this situation. I realize just how important it is to stick to God's laws NOT MATTER WHAT. I realize how easy it can be to fall away.
Usually when I'm going through something like this I start rebelling in some way. This time it's different. This time I realize that I need God to wrap his blanket of love and understanding around me. He has already done different things today to show me he is there for me. I've had the radio station to Christian music today so I can get through the day and use the music as a pillow to rest my thoughts on.
I know laying around and feeling sorry for myself is NOT going to make things better. With time I know the hurt and pain will go away. I just have to have patience and watch for what I can take from this situation.
Usually when I'm going through something like this I start rebelling in some way. This time it's different. This time I realize that I need God to wrap his blanket of love and understanding around me. He has already done different things today to show me he is there for me. I've had the radio station to Christian music today so I can get through the day and use the music as a pillow to rest my thoughts on.
I know laying around and feeling sorry for myself is NOT going to make things better. With time I know the hurt and pain will go away. I just have to have patience and watch for what I can take from this situation.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
So much going on.
Things have just absolutely been nuts around here....but a good kind of nuts! Mostly, anyway. My husband is possibly taking on a ton more jobs and I am taking on more of a roll as his secretary. It's quite wonderful! We've prayed about this and I had asked God for his business to pick up so I could quit my job IF IT'S GOD'S WILL, and then this happened. We are both nervous about the whole thing, but God WILL provide.
The kids have kept me incredibly busy, making me feel more like a taxi driver and cheer leader than anything else. It's been quite interesting, but worth every minute of it. God uses those moments in the van for us to have awesome heart to hearts....and I love it! I even got a much needed hug from Steffan, the oldest one, last night. The kids don't know just how awesome those hugs are!
Satan has been attacking us with some situations, but we are trying to hand it over to God. I'm realizing just how hard it is for me to keep my mouth shut. When I should be calm and quiet, I'm just blubbering things out! I've never been good at being quiet, but I am working on it.
My husband has been spoiling me rotten with love and kindness....which prepared me for the junk Satan attacked me with. It's good to know that no matter what Satan brings at me, I have God, my husband and my kids to protect and help me through the storms.
I'm a very lucky woman!
The kids have kept me incredibly busy, making me feel more like a taxi driver and cheer leader than anything else. It's been quite interesting, but worth every minute of it. God uses those moments in the van for us to have awesome heart to hearts....and I love it! I even got a much needed hug from Steffan, the oldest one, last night. The kids don't know just how awesome those hugs are!
Satan has been attacking us with some situations, but we are trying to hand it over to God. I'm realizing just how hard it is for me to keep my mouth shut. When I should be calm and quiet, I'm just blubbering things out! I've never been good at being quiet, but I am working on it.
My husband has been spoiling me rotten with love and kindness....which prepared me for the junk Satan attacked me with. It's good to know that no matter what Satan brings at me, I have God, my husband and my kids to protect and help me through the storms.
I'm a very lucky woman!
Monday, November 1, 2010
Opening my eyes.
This has been a wildly crazy month! Good and Bad! God has opened my eyes to a lot of things. Our van broke down, our truck broke down, my husband is having severe back pain....and the good stuff is God performed a MIRACLE and had a $700.00 doctor bill wiped out for us, I've realized some things with my kids, and my husband and I got to go on a date today!
When the truck broke down, I actually didn't worry about it! I gave it to God and knew it he would take care of it! And of course, he DID! But in the process of him taking care of it, I learned a lesson. My hubby's back started giving him problems Friday and it was so bad he was walking around stiff and could barely move. He called some people and asked if anyone could help him fix the truck, but noone had time. At first, I was very upset. He will do anything for anyone at the drop of a hat. There have been several times he's had to sacrifice time with us so he could help someone else. I used to get really mad about it, but now I understand he has a servant's heart, and I'm learning to let it go and love him more and more each time he goes to help someone.
God reminded me that even when we do nice things for others, we SHOULD NOT expect anything in return. Now don't get me wrong! When we do nice things for people, we don't do these things so they will do something nice for us.....but when push comes to shove, yes we would appreciate some help. So, I've learned and been reminded that we should always show kindness to others NO MATTER WHAT!
I'm finally getting it!
When the truck broke down, I actually didn't worry about it! I gave it to God and knew it he would take care of it! And of course, he DID! But in the process of him taking care of it, I learned a lesson. My hubby's back started giving him problems Friday and it was so bad he was walking around stiff and could barely move. He called some people and asked if anyone could help him fix the truck, but noone had time. At first, I was very upset. He will do anything for anyone at the drop of a hat. There have been several times he's had to sacrifice time with us so he could help someone else. I used to get really mad about it, but now I understand he has a servant's heart, and I'm learning to let it go and love him more and more each time he goes to help someone.
God reminded me that even when we do nice things for others, we SHOULD NOT expect anything in return. Now don't get me wrong! When we do nice things for people, we don't do these things so they will do something nice for us.....but when push comes to shove, yes we would appreciate some help. So, I've learned and been reminded that we should always show kindness to others NO MATTER WHAT!
I'm finally getting it!
Monday, October 18, 2010
Back on track.
I was reading "Battlefield of the mind" the other night and I was in the chapter about the "wilderness mentality". As I was reading how the Israelites gave God nothing but problems while in the wilderness, I was reminded about of the struggles I went through for the past 10 years or so. I spent so many years feeling sorry for myself for the situations I was going through, claiming to be a Christian, but only half hazzardly doing what God wanted.
I remember going to "Arms of Love" and offering to volunteer. I was hoping to get something like washing laundry or something to that effect. But they asked if I would be a counselor....unfortunately I didn't take on that responsibility and I never called them back. Looking back, I realize that's one of the things God wanted me to do, but I was TOO AFRAID to do it. Now I'm asking God what he wants me to do, and honestly, I'm feeling overwhelmed with some of the things. I need to remind myself that I need to let God take care of things and let God guide and direct me in the way I should go. I want to do the best I can to serve him....just right now I'm not sure how that way should be.
I remember going to "Arms of Love" and offering to volunteer. I was hoping to get something like washing laundry or something to that effect. But they asked if I would be a counselor....unfortunately I didn't take on that responsibility and I never called them back. Looking back, I realize that's one of the things God wanted me to do, but I was TOO AFRAID to do it. Now I'm asking God what he wants me to do, and honestly, I'm feeling overwhelmed with some of the things. I need to remind myself that I need to let God take care of things and let God guide and direct me in the way I should go. I want to do the best I can to serve him....just right now I'm not sure how that way should be.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Walking in the light!
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Thinking about how life seems to go. Thinking about all the different phases in my life. Thinking about how I've changed from one period to another. When I was growing up I always had the attitude that everything would be okay no matter what. I was raised to have faith in God, so that made things easier to handle.
After I got married and started raising a family, things changed a little. I finally realized how tough life can really get. My marriage started having problems and we were raising 2 kids at the time, so I started trying to handle things without God. I did that for several years. I would pray, but then I would try to take over. For a long time I felt like I was walking in the dark. Like a dark cloud was following me everywhere I went.
I honestly didn't shake it until the last few months. I was trying to be a good Christian, but everyday I felt like a total failure. I wasn't keeping my eyes and mind on God. I wasn't being the kind of wife God wanted me to be. I was trying to be a good mom, but I wasn't even quite cutting it there. I was always there for them, but I wasn't really focusing like I wanted to. And I was getting way too grumpy when they would ask me for something. I felt like a total failure because I couldn't give them everything financially that they needed and still have some money in the savings account for emergencies...and believe me we've had our share of emergencies.
I've had friends try to talk to me about being submissive, and I always took that word for being more like a doormat. But now I finally get it. God doesn't want us to be door mats....he just wants us to treat our spouses like we would want to be treated. That's why Proverbs 31 is one of my favorite chapters. It's about doing all we can as wives to make sure our homes are safe havens. Our family has enough to deal with out in this world with jobs, school, activities, even their own friends sometimes. What the family needs is a safe place to land. And that's what I want for my family. I'm finally paying attention to what God wants me to be as a wife, mother, friend, sister, employee and human being. The cloud has been lifted. I see the light!
After I got married and started raising a family, things changed a little. I finally realized how tough life can really get. My marriage started having problems and we were raising 2 kids at the time, so I started trying to handle things without God. I did that for several years. I would pray, but then I would try to take over. For a long time I felt like I was walking in the dark. Like a dark cloud was following me everywhere I went.
I honestly didn't shake it until the last few months. I was trying to be a good Christian, but everyday I felt like a total failure. I wasn't keeping my eyes and mind on God. I wasn't being the kind of wife God wanted me to be. I was trying to be a good mom, but I wasn't even quite cutting it there. I was always there for them, but I wasn't really focusing like I wanted to. And I was getting way too grumpy when they would ask me for something. I felt like a total failure because I couldn't give them everything financially that they needed and still have some money in the savings account for emergencies...and believe me we've had our share of emergencies.
I've had friends try to talk to me about being submissive, and I always took that word for being more like a doormat. But now I finally get it. God doesn't want us to be door mats....he just wants us to treat our spouses like we would want to be treated. That's why Proverbs 31 is one of my favorite chapters. It's about doing all we can as wives to make sure our homes are safe havens. Our family has enough to deal with out in this world with jobs, school, activities, even their own friends sometimes. What the family needs is a safe place to land. And that's what I want for my family. I'm finally paying attention to what God wants me to be as a wife, mother, friend, sister, employee and human being. The cloud has been lifted. I see the light!
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Dealing with depression.
It's scary to admit this, but throughout my life, I've dealt with depression. I've taken medication to help deal with it, but sometimes it just doesn't work. I've been learning to rely on God more, and I've been feeling very refreshed about everything. I finally feel like I can handle (with God's help, of course) just about anything that is handed to me.
This morning I felt prompted to do my bible study, so I grabbed the Joyce Meyer "Battlefield of the Mind" book and started reading it some more. God gave me Psalm 143:3-10 through this reading.
3)My enemy has chased me. He has knocked me to the ground. He forced me to live in darkness like those in the grave.
4)I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear.
5)I remember the days of old. I ponder all your great works. I think about what you have done.
6)I reach out for you. I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain.
7)Come quickly, LORD, and answer me, for my depression deepens. Don't turn away from me, or I will die.
8)Let me hear of your unfailing love to me in the morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I have come to you in prayer.
9)Save me from my enemies, LORD; I run to you to hide me.
10)Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing. NLT.
I am learning to surround myself with people who have a strong relationship with God. I NEED positive people around me to help me have the right attitude about life. God has given me these positive people to spend time with and I am soaking it up like a wet sponge.
This morning I felt prompted to do my bible study, so I grabbed the Joyce Meyer "Battlefield of the Mind" book and started reading it some more. God gave me Psalm 143:3-10 through this reading.
3)My enemy has chased me. He has knocked me to the ground. He forced me to live in darkness like those in the grave.
4)I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear.
5)I remember the days of old. I ponder all your great works. I think about what you have done.
6)I reach out for you. I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain.
7)Come quickly, LORD, and answer me, for my depression deepens. Don't turn away from me, or I will die.
8)Let me hear of your unfailing love to me in the morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I have come to you in prayer.
9)Save me from my enemies, LORD; I run to you to hide me.
10)Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing. NLT.
I am learning to surround myself with people who have a strong relationship with God. I NEED positive people around me to help me have the right attitude about life. God has given me these positive people to spend time with and I am soaking it up like a wet sponge.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Going through trials.
This weekend I got a little bit of a bomb dropped on me...not a big one by any means, but a bomb none the less! I recieved 2 bills in the mail. One was a medical bill and the other was my water bill. Both were a huge surprize. The water bill was higher than normal (which I should be used to by now) and the medical bill I was not expecting at all.
So, of course, I do the usual stressing, thinking "Great! We already have enough bills as it is and the extra stuff the kids do...what are we gonna do?". I even started crying and my husband couldn't understand why I was letting it get to me so much. My problem is things have been stressful enough as it is, but we've been working on getting out of debt and this did not help. Honestly I haven't been doing a good job of trying to get out of debt lately. We've been paying the bills like we're supposed to, but I've been letting everyone get away with little things that add up.
My husband used to call me the Money Nazi, and for good reason. I got so sick of being in debt that I decided to start budgeting quite a bit. I would say NO quite a bit! And, of course, it was driving everyone nuts!
But, I think that this weekends fiasco was a trial God allowed me to go through just to see how I would react. I'm trying really hard to behave like an adult, praying and asking God to help me control my temper and my tongue. I didn't want to start saying harsh things to the agents on the other end of the phone because I'm sure it's not their fault something went wrong. Anyway....I didn't do as well as I wanted, but I made a teeny tiny improvement on the way I normally handle things...and I'm continueing to pray about it so I can know I handled it responsibly AND was an example to whomever I was dealing with.
So, of course, I do the usual stressing, thinking "Great! We already have enough bills as it is and the extra stuff the kids do...what are we gonna do?". I even started crying and my husband couldn't understand why I was letting it get to me so much. My problem is things have been stressful enough as it is, but we've been working on getting out of debt and this did not help. Honestly I haven't been doing a good job of trying to get out of debt lately. We've been paying the bills like we're supposed to, but I've been letting everyone get away with little things that add up.
My husband used to call me the Money Nazi, and for good reason. I got so sick of being in debt that I decided to start budgeting quite a bit. I would say NO quite a bit! And, of course, it was driving everyone nuts!
But, I think that this weekends fiasco was a trial God allowed me to go through just to see how I would react. I'm trying really hard to behave like an adult, praying and asking God to help me control my temper and my tongue. I didn't want to start saying harsh things to the agents on the other end of the phone because I'm sure it's not their fault something went wrong. Anyway....I didn't do as well as I wanted, but I made a teeny tiny improvement on the way I normally handle things...and I'm continueing to pray about it so I can know I handled it responsibly AND was an example to whomever I was dealing with.
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