Sometimes....

First of all, HAPPY BELATED THANKSGIVING! 

I'm trying to figure out where to start!  This just hasn't been my day!!!  I've been praying off and on all day that my attitude would change, but apparantely this is just not my day.  Maybe the fact that I get to sleep in tomorrow morning will get me in a better mood.  But, until then...here I go.

I've been allowing a silly little family situation eat at me all day.  As I type all this, I'm munching away at a cookie Steffan made me earlier this afternoon.  My husband and I are preparing for a belated Thanksgiving dinner we're having on Saturday.  I've been stressing over the usual food worries (will there be enough, what will everyone be bringing, will the turkey cooperate?) along with things Satan keeps throwing in my face about things that have been said.  I know it's Satan coming after me, doing whatever it takes to make me miserable.  UNFORTUNATELY, I'm letting him win. 

I've been trying to work on my crankiness or (Okay, let's be honest!)  all out anger!  I've been frustrated with the kids for not understanding that sometimes they just need to back off.  I've been frustrated with myself for "barking" at them.  I'm angry with myself for not handling things in a mature Christian way. 

I'm also very frustrated that I managed to lose a group of verses on anger that my best friend was so kind as to give me because we both want to work on being slow to anger....Ain't it crazy how Satan can ruin things so easily????

I am being reminded that sometimes things just aren't going to go right and I need to keep my heavenly father beside me at ALL TIMES!  Without him I am nothing.

Life is much more beautiful through "Love and Respect".

I have been reading this book called "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, and I have to say it has really opened my eyes to so many things with my marriage!  I have been married for almost 18 years now, and we have definitely had our ups and downs.  I like to say we've been through everything but a terminal illness!  Hopefully we won't have to go through something like that, but if we do, I know we'll be alright as long as we keep God with us.

I have been learning so much about all the things my husband needs and it has been so eye opening and inspiring.  I have learned that just because he doesn't always say he loves me DOES NOT mean that he doesn't.  I used to ask him all the time if he really loved me...it seemed he didn't because of the way I was "viewing" things.  But now I KNOW he loves me.  He just doesn't show it the way that t.v.'s husbands or boyfriends show it. 

He shows it EVERY SINGLE DAY by going to work and putting up with all kinds of nonsense for me and the kids.  Then he goes out and works a second job to prove his love even more.  He bought me a minivan about 3 years ago to show his love for me....unfortunately I threw a hissy fit because I didn't want to be in debt anymore.  Now I know to let him do things he wants to do to show me love and stop whining about it.

He shows me love everytime he walks past me and doesn't go out of his way to avoid me.  He loves me by telling the kids to show me respect.  He shows me by sitting down and eating whatever I cook, whether he likes it or not.  He shows me by not trying to force his thoughts and opinions on me. 

Right now he's showing me by respecting my feelings over some issues that have arisen with others.  He's showing me also by not forcing me to get rid of our little terrier named "Angel" that doesn't quite act like an angel.

I'm finally learning (and it will be a LONG TIME before I totally get it, if I ever fully do) how to work on not nagging at him or belittling him.  I'm learning how to have an uplifting spirit throughout the day for him and trying to make the house a sanctuary for him after a long days work. 

Right now I'm working on not getting so frustrated with the kids when they get rowdy in the house...after all, it is cold outside these days, so it's not like they can always just run out and play. 

I've got a long way to go on learning to be the kind of wife God wants me to be, but I am working on it!  And I thank God for putting special people in my life who have helped me "see the light".  You all know who you are!

1 Corinthians 13:1-3

If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth but didn't love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything about everything, but didn't love others, what good would I be?  And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody.  If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would be of no value whatsoever.  NLT.

Amazing things are happening

This last week has just been beyond awesome (except for my family being sick).  Although I hate it when Haylie is sick, we got to spend 2 incredible days together coloring and cleaning and cuddling.  She loves to help me clean house, so I'm enjoying it while I can. 

Mark was home Wednesday night, so I got to enjoy my time with him.  Unfortunately, he's trying to get over a cold that is kicking his butt.  So far Hunter has only had a sore throat for one day and Steffan has been fine!  Thank God!

I've been having wonderful conversations with God, and he's been revealing wonderful things to me.  It's been wildly amazing.  He also showed that he wanted one of my close friends and me to switch some books we're reading from one about his will to another about love and respect in marriages.  I'm loving this!  And I had a spirit filled text conversation about life.  I love how God is working things out!!!!!!!!!!

Hurting heart.

These last few days have been a little rough on me.  Someone broke their word to me and it doesn't seem to bother that person at all.  My husband has been doing everything he can to help me deal with everything, but the pain just isn't going away right now.  I keep thinking to myself "There's a reason I'm going through this.  God is teaching me a lesson here.  This will be for future use.".  God has already taught me quite a few lessons from this situation.  I realize just how important it is to stick to God's laws NOT MATTER WHAT.  I realize how easy it can be to fall away. 

Usually when I'm going through something like this I start rebelling in some way.  This time it's different.  This time I realize that I need God to wrap his blanket of love and understanding around me.  He has already done different things today to show me he is there for me.  I've had the radio station to Christian music today so I can get through the day and use the music as a pillow to rest my thoughts on. 

I know laying around and feeling sorry for myself is NOT going to make things better.  With time I know the hurt and pain will go away.  I just have to have patience and watch for what I can take from this situation.

So much going on.

Things have just absolutely been nuts around here....but a good kind of nuts!  Mostly, anyway.  My husband is possibly taking on a ton more jobs and I am taking on more of a roll as his secretary.  It's quite wonderful!  We've prayed about this and I had asked God for his business to pick up so I could quit my job IF IT'S GOD'S WILL, and then this happened.  We are both nervous about the whole thing, but God WILL provide.

The kids have kept me incredibly busy, making me feel more like a taxi driver and cheer leader than anything else.  It's been quite interesting, but worth every minute of it.  God uses those moments in the van for us to have awesome heart to hearts....and I love it!  I even got a much needed hug from Steffan, the oldest one, last night.  The kids don't know just how awesome those hugs are! 

Satan has been attacking us with some situations, but we are trying to hand it over to God.  I'm realizing just how hard it is for me to keep my mouth shut.  When I should be calm and quiet, I'm just blubbering things out!  I've never been good at being quiet, but I am working on it. 

My husband has been spoiling me rotten with love and kindness....which prepared me for the junk Satan attacked me with.  It's good to know that no matter what Satan brings at me, I have God, my husband and my kids to protect and help me through the storms. 

I'm a very lucky woman!

Opening my eyes.

This has been a wildly crazy month!  Good and Bad!  God has opened my eyes to a lot of things.  Our van broke down, our truck broke down, my husband is having severe back pain....and the good stuff is God performed a MIRACLE and had a $700.00 doctor bill wiped out for us, I've realized some things with my kids, and my husband and I got to go on a date today!

When the truck broke down, I actually didn't worry about it!  I gave it to God and knew it he would take care of it!  And of course, he DID!  But in the process of him taking care of it, I learned a lesson.  My hubby's back started giving him problems Friday and it was so bad he was walking around stiff and could barely move.  He called some people and asked if anyone could help him fix the truck, but noone had time.  At first, I was very upset.  He will do anything for anyone at the drop of a hat.  There have been several times he's had to sacrifice time with us so he could help someone else.  I used to get really mad about it, but now I understand he has a servant's heart, and I'm learning to let it go and love him more and more each time he goes to help someone. 

God reminded me that even when we do nice things for others, we SHOULD NOT expect anything in return.  Now don't get me wrong!  When we do nice things for people, we don't do these things so they will do something nice for us.....but when push comes to shove, yes we would appreciate some help.  So, I've learned and been reminded that we should always show kindness to others NO MATTER WHAT! 

I'm finally getting it!