Walking in the light!

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.  Thinking about how life seems to go.  Thinking about all the different phases in my life.  Thinking about how I've changed from one period to another.  When I was growing up I always had the attitude that everything would be okay no matter what.  I was raised to have faith in God, so that made things easier to handle. 

After I got married and started raising a family, things changed a little.  I finally realized how tough life can really get.  My marriage started having problems and we were raising 2 kids at the time, so I started trying to handle things without God.  I did that for several years.  I would pray, but then I would try to take over.  For a long time I felt like I was walking in the dark.  Like a dark cloud was following me everywhere I went. 

I honestly didn't shake it until the last few months.  I was trying to be a good Christian, but everyday I felt like a total failure.  I wasn't keeping my eyes and mind on God.  I wasn't being the kind of wife God wanted me to be.  I was trying to be a good mom, but I wasn't even quite cutting it there.  I was always there for them, but I wasn't really focusing like I wanted to.  And I was getting way too grumpy when they would ask me for something.  I felt like a total failure because I couldn't give them everything financially  that they needed and still have some money in the savings account for emergencies...and believe me we've had our share of emergencies.

I've had friends try to talk to me about being submissive, and I always took that word for being more like a doormat.  But now I finally get it.  God doesn't want us to be door mats....he just wants us to treat our spouses like we would want to be treated.  That's why Proverbs 31 is one of my favorite chapters.  It's about doing all we can as wives to make sure our homes are safe havens.  Our family has enough to deal with out in this world with jobs, school, activities, even their own friends sometimes.  What the family needs is a safe place to land.  And that's what I want for my family.  I'm finally paying attention to what God wants me to be as a wife, mother, friend, sister, employee and human being.  The cloud has been lifted.  I see the light!