Psalm 91

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  This I declare of the LORD:  He alone is my refuge, my place of safety, he is my God, and I am trusting him.  For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from the fatal plague.  He will shield you with his wings.  He will shelter you with his feathers.  His faithful promises are your armor and protection.  Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor fear the dangers of the day, nor dread the plague that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday.  Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you.  But you will see it with your eyes; you will see how the wicked are punished.  If you make the LORD your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your dwelling.  For he orders his angels to protect you wherever you go.  They will hold you with their hands to keep you from striking your foot on a stone.  You will trample down lions and posionous snakes; you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!  The LORD  says, "I will rescue those who love me.  I will protect those who trust in my name.  When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble.  I will rescue them and honor them.  I will satisfy them with a long life and give them my salvation."

Tired of being ANXIOUS!

Lately things have just been a little too much to handle.  And it hasn't even been anything too severe.  Just my tendency to beat myself up over EVERY STUPID LITTLE THING I DO!  I find it easier to overlook other people's discrepencies, most of the time....but my own, I just cannot seem to let go.

The funny thing about all this is we just started a new church and the pastor has talked a lot about letting things go and forgiving ourselves.  It sounds awesome and for a moment  I can seem to forgive myself, but after a day or so, or even sometimes before I even walk out the church doors, I'm back to condemning myself. 

Frankly, my body and my emotions and my spirit just can't handle too much more of this.  I've been doing a lot of praying about this lately.  Hopefully soon God will show me the light on this.  He's already been working miracles in my marriage and family!  I know he can do this...I've just got to let him! 

Disappointment

I have been noticing something lately.  I have been noticing just how much people are truly willing to be there for each other.  And sadly enough, it hasn't been very often. 

Let me first say, my husband is one of those kinds of people that the minute you call him and ask him to do ANYTHING for you, he's there.  It used to drive me up the wall because he spent SOOOO much time helping others that he wasn't around the house that often for me.  But he was trying to be there for everyone.  I have finally learned to let it go.  But here's the problem.  There's been 2 times he's needed help with something, and the people I excepted to help him with things, are unavailable.  These people are Christians we spent time with in worship, people I would have thought would have returned the kindness my husband has shown them.  Instead, it has been other Christians that we have gotten close to and people who don't even go to church.

Now don't get me wrong...this does NOT cause me to lose my faith in God or think "What's the point of going to church when my own "people" aren't even offering help.".  It reminds me how important it is to really be there for people and stop getting caught up in my own life. 

There's a song by Matthew West that has become my favorite song...it is  "My own little world".  It has really opened my eyes to what we as human beings need to be doing for each other as well as for those in need.   

Revelations 3:8-13 Obeying God and persevering.

8.  "I know all the things you do, and I have opened a door for you that no one can shut.  You have little strength, yet you obeyed my word, and did not deny me.
9.  Look!  I will force those who belong to Satan--those liars who say they are Jews but are not--to come and bow down at your feet.  They will acknowledge that you are the ones I love.
10.  "Because you have obeyed my command to persevere, I will protect you from the great time of testing that will come upon the whole world to test those who belong to this world.
11.  Look, I am coming quickly.  Hold on to what you have, so that no one will take away your crown. 
12.  All who are victorious will become pillars in the Temple of my God, and they will never have to leave it.  And I will write my God's name on them, and they will be citizens in the city of my God--the new Jerusalem that comes down from heaven from my God.  And they will have my new name inscribed upone them. 
13.  Anyone who is willing to hear should listen to the Spirit and understand what the Spirit is saying to the churches.

I had such an amazing day yesterday.  God really showed me some wonderful things and it left me in complete awe!!!!
Actually it all started on Saturday night.  Our pastor was talking about giving ourselves FULLY to God...and I said a little prayer to God giving myself completely.  Then, the next day I got into a "discussion" with my husband about church and his leadership roll.  Although he HAS been taking on the leadership roll, he isn't enjoying it.  And honestly, I completely understand.  It's a VERY heavy responsibility and it scares me to death when I think about if it were ever to be my responsibility.  By the time the conversation was over, I was praying a very heavy prayer that he does things the way God wants it done.
At first I was very bummed out about how stressed he is about all this.  But then I realized that that "discussion" was a way of seeing how much I had really given myself to God.  When I realized that Satan is trying to irritate both me and my husband it honestly made me very happy!  Because inspite of all the stupid things I do on a daily basis, God still finds me useful.  I don't deserve it, but he IS using me and I LOVE IT!
Please pray for me that I do everything the way God wants it done!

Philippians 2:5-11

5.  You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.
6.  Though he was God,
      he did not think of equality with God
      as something to cling to.
7.  Instead, he gave up his divine privileges;
     he took the humble position of a slave
     and was born as a human being.
     When he appeared in human form,
8.  he humbled himself in obedience to God
     and died a criminal's death on a cross.
9.  Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor
     and gave him the name above all other names,
10.  that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
       in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11.  and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
       to the glory of God the Father.

Needing prayer today.

I've been reading lots of blogs about our Christian walk and doing my bible studies each morning (sometimes it's the only thing that can give me a positive attitude.  It has been a huge help.  One of the things that my studying has brought to my attention is to remove whatever sins and negativity I have from me.

Let me tell you, this has been way beyond tough.  I've got 2 things I need to work on right off the top of my head.  And they both have to do with forgiveness and letting God deal with things.  I've always had this horrible tendency to hold a grudge.  I don't mean to and I love the people I get frustrated and stay frustrated with...but the sinful side of me just allows it to keep pecking away at me.  I am working on it though. 

I'm learning to realize that the things that are "done to me" aren't always meant to be done in the way I receive them.  I need to realize and decide in my heart that until proven otherwise, to believe that it was done in an innocent way.

I'm seeing it in my kids as well.  There's a daily lesson lately to have them overlook something their siblings have done.  Just the other day Haylie was laying on the floor and her hair was spread all over the place.  Hunter accidently stepped on it, she whined, and he said "Well get your hair out of the way!".  I got onto him and informed him that a simple "I'm sorry."  would have worked.  Later, Haylie hit him in his knee where he'd gotten an injury back in April and didnt' appologize.  He was very upset and was complaining.  I told him that she was reacting the way he had reacted before.  That if he wanted her to learn to appologize, he needed to learn to appologize to her.  This was a teachable moment for all of us. 

I realized I need to make sure that I show kindness and forgiveness instead of blaming others for what happens to me.  I need to realize that maybe they didn't mean to do any of the things they did.  I need to learn to let go.  It will be tough, but I know it can be done...especially through prayer and learning God's word and keeping the Holy Spirit with me at all times.

Learning to respect.

I have been learning how to respect my husband...and I have to tell you, I never thought it would be this hard.  It's totally worth it, and he deserves every last drop and more , but I struggle to find the best ways to show constant respect to him.  I've also noticed that my old sinful nature likes to argue with me about the process sometimes. 

The simple act of handing him a plate of dinner after a long, hard day at work is the best way I know how to do it right now.  I've been trying to make sure the house is clean, the dishes are done, and the laundry is done and put away (the laundry part hasn't gone quite as well as I would like). 

I've been trying to watch everything I say and make sure it's said in a respectful tone, instead of being rude or having a smart mouth about it.  When he asks me to run an errand for him, I try very hard not to complain about having to go do it.  I used to HATE running errands for him because something always seemed to go wrong....but I'm learning as I go.

One of the biggest ways I think I've learned to respect him lately is learning to let go of the past.  I had one remaining piece of the nightmarish part of our marriage and I finally had a "ceremonial" burning of it the other day.  It felt so good and so freeing to watch it burn and disappear from our lives.  I should have done it a long time ago, but at least it has been done now.  

I'm realizing more and more each day just how important he is to me.  I'm definitely blessed!